Literary Pixie

Hi pals!

It’s about time for my seasonal newsletter! I write this 6 days before September, although it already feels like Fall for me since school started back two weeks ago. I know. So early!

I am in a weird place again, but I know it is temporary. While I had a lovely summer and am so grateful for that time off and the amazing people I got to make memories with (so many weddings!!), I was suffering from a dysregulated nervous system caused by chronic stress and teacher burnout. I had a weird headache that wouldn’t go away and I just felt anxious and restless all the time.

I am back in therapy and trying to work through this. I am tired of being tired. I am tired of feeling constantly overwhelmed and powerless to solve the problems causing me to feel overwhelmed. I have been aware of this situation for a while, however, I knew it would take long time to resolve – possibly a life-time – and will require continual maintenance, which is why I’ve been prioritizing my self-care needs, specifically housing and relationships.

I am finally in a place to begin to focus on this root problem. It is terrifying and exciting. I’ll share more about this root problem later, I am still defining it.

I am looking forward to sharing my journey with you, and hope that we can walk the path together. It’s just like Dolores Huerta said! I saw her speak two years ago, and she shared that to create large systemic change, you gotta bring people with you and you gotta make it fun!

In this newsletter, I’ll be sharing about:

Lots of love!

Sammy

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Chapter: Becoming Self-Actualized

I’ve decided to call this chapter “Becoming Self-Actualized”. In 2018 when I had an epiphany that I wanted to become an English teacher, I had a vision.

I saw myself teaching during the day, and writing/organizing by night. I saw myself collaborating with an amazing department of teachers passionate about literacy and preparing our students for success in the 21st century. I saw us inviting working writers into the classroom, and setting up a local Writers/book festival. I saw myself being published in the LA Times and collaborating with the Los Angeles public libraries. I saw myself running a magazine and press publishing chapbooks and zines by local people. I saw us creating an intellectual and literary community in Los Angeles with speaker series and discussions educating the local population on how to advocate for themselves in our current system to have the highest quality of life possible and feeling a sense of ownership for our city.

It’s been six years since I made the change, and while there have been moments of hope, mostly I have been disappointed. It has been excruciatingly challenging to find teachers to collaborate with and like-minded people in Los Angeles with similar goals and vision. Even when I do find events that resonate and I think like-minded people are there, I find myself drifting in and out without anyone talking to me or me talking to anyone. At moments, I started to become someone I never wanted to be – bitter, angry, hopeless, resentful.

Many people when I told them my vision would say that it’s not possible. I would tell them, “But it is. I’ve lived it. That’s what it’s like in the UK.”

They’d respond, “Well maybe you should go back to the UK.”

It has taken a couple years, but I am finding my people. They are here in this city of 9 million. We are busy and divided by miles and miles (although still technically the same city), but they are here, and I am so grateful.

I am finally in a neighborhood and a housing situation where I feel safe and a sense of control and understanding. I have finished my Masters and have amazing teachers to collaborate with.

I am ready to start actualizing this vision.

Fall Goals

Gotta chunk the vision because it’s a big one! So here are my Fall goals.

1. Submit an article to the California English Journal by October 1st for the Rebuilding Reading and Writing Muscles issue.
2. Finish the outline for screenplay with Juliana and Whitney and start writing the script.
3. Join as a member/subscriber to the Los Angeles Public Library Foundation and the LA Times and start going to their events.
4. Have healthy boundaries with work and getting my self-care needs met, especially eating, exercising, and having fun/relaxing!
5. Communicate with people about wanting to set up a monthly co-working writing zoom and a culture club. You interested?
   • Co-work writing zoom: meet once on a month on zoom to write!
   • Once a month go to a cultural event and eat a nice dinner and discuss. Can be any type of culture – movie, literary event, play, comedy, etc.

Currently Reading/Watching

Here’s a few things I’ve been reading and watching.

• Blink Twice! Very intense and disturbing, but important message and powerful storytelling.
• Insecure! By Issa Dee – female friendship in the late 20s and 30s (aka how old I am) So good!
• Calm Your Mind with Food! Helpful about the importance of food and good recipes.
• Black Wings! by Sehba Sarwar – great story about mother-daughter relationships and family trauma and immigration. Beautiful and transportive. She’s the new poet laureate of Altadena with an amazing series planned – check it out!

Check out my GoodReads and Letterboxd for all the deets.

Summer Memories

So many good memories this summer! Especially the weddings!! So much true love out there. Here are some pictures. And more with cute babies that I’m not sure if I’m allowed to post online.

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