Spring 2025 Newsletter

Hi Peeps!

I know it’s just turned February and Spring doesn’t officially start until March, but things have been so fucked that I’m ready for the rebirth. I’m sure you are, too! (And as a teacher – it is Spring Semester. So I’m in the Spring Mindset.)

In this newsletter you’ll find:

Love you lots! Thanks for reading.

Yours

Sammy

My Authentic Thoughts & Feels About What’s Happening in LA/ America and How I’m Taking Action

Donald Trump is officially the fucking US President, again! I’m shaking my head and panicking. So much fear. But he is far away in Washington D.C. so what can I do? If you know – please tell me.

People are protesting in LA, especially about the horrific immigration policies and how the feds used the wildfires to send ICE in and detain undocumented people, despite LA being a sanctuary city! (Read The Devil’s Highway if you want a context).

Two entire fucking neighborhoods were destroyed by wildfires in Los Angeles. The air smells of burnt Teslas and televisions, which puts anyone within 30 miles of LA at risk of respiratory issues and cancer aka millions of people! At least that’s what the Instagram posts say… and that the air will be toxic for the next year or two, but like just stay inside and wear a mask when you go outside? No biggie!

Except no one is masking…

And also, there was a sign outside my apartment building that warned me I could get cancer just living there… so it’s hard to know where the line is…

And thankfully most of the ash flew into the ocean, but now it’s not safe to go into the ocean. What will happen to the sea creatures? All the water is connected. Will the jelly fish get cancer too? Will the ashes spread to the other side of the world? What happens if we eat the fish? This world is not safe and it is all because of humans. It is because of us, and yet – what can we do?

Doomscrolling on Instagram triggers a panic attack as accounts managed by people/nonprofits/government orgs that I’ve never met or haven’t talked to in years make me feel like I’m a bad person if I don’t donate my old clothes that I don’t wear anyway, OR buy shit from Target/ Amazon and volunteer making care packages of stuff that might be what some hypothetical fire-victim wanted, maybe? Who knows, who cares. OR donating money to some random 501(C)3 ran by who knows who gets to decide who is worthy of money and how to rebuild, how to save the fucking planet.

This is about you feeling better quickly about the fact that your house didn’t burn down, that your business is still standing, that you are still alive, that you are not a jelly fish.

I am sorry but I don’t trust people and organizations that I don’t have individual relationships with, and who I will probably never trust because they are too big, too far away, too corporate, too national, too international, too ambitious, too savior, too mechanistic, too anonymous, too neutral, too expert, too data-oriented, too patronizing. And I refuse to think that I am the crazy one, that I am the problem.

This is all too fucking much! This has been too fucking much for far too long.

I’m sorry for not being a beaming ray of sunshine, for not focusing on the good intentions and all the people who want to help, on how much I love LA, and how I am grieving for LA, for my community.

My grief is anger. I am done tolerating this cyclical injustice silently. Wild fires, air pollution, immigration, using fear to control people, cancer, these are not new problems. I am done feeling powerless, or waiting for somebody with lots of money and resources to listen to my problems and save me.

Bell hooks says, “Love without honesty is manipulation” and so I must be honest… LA is a fucked up, dysfunctional, shitty city.

(Like literally. Shop keepers clean poop off their fucking front door steps every day because of our housing crisis, and no one is talking about it. Well my favorite barista is, but that’s it.)

It has been for decades, and it will continue to be if we don’t accept the reality of the situation, if we don’t address the root causes, if we don’t distribute the wealth, power, and resources.

If we don’t create healthy, trusting, individual relationships with the people who have power in our communities, our neighborhoods, our city, our state, our entire fucking country and an infrastructure that makes that convenient.

If we don’t do what is in our control to use, develop, and channel the power that we do have and to care for the people we rely on to survive.

If we don’t create a system that makes heroes instead of victims; representatives instead of saviors.

This is how I am taking action, this is how I have been taking action since the 2018 Woolsey Fire and Borderline Shooting made me realize how fucked our country was.

However, instead of going back to LA where I had experienced three depressions before the age of 18, I felt called to support the people seeking refuge in Greece.

Hearing the stories of people from Afghanistan, Syria, Iraq, Burkina Faso, etc. where there was/is civil war, famine, economic collapse and understanding the impact of America’s international policies, politics, and corporations, and being yelled at for it instead of the people in power who made those decisions (and who hide behind gates and security guards to protect them from the consequences of their actions), I became so angry. Angry at my country for doing such horrific actions and silencing the victims by labeling them terrorists in the name of freedom and democracy.

Yes, I had an American passport. Technically I was responsible for Simon’s brother being murdered by ISIS because he supported US troops during the Afghanistan War. Technically, I paid for that. You paid for that. And yet, we are both powerless to do anything to stop it, to give this boy and his family justice.

How our government responded to the situations in Ukraine and Palestine show just that. Putting the profits of the war companies (that largely employ Americans) before the lives of innocent people (who are not American, and thus not our responsibility… but if we really cared about all Americans, we wouldn’t have so many unhoused, incarcerated, and sick, so who are the decisions really representing the needs of??).

At that time, I was just an unemployed 25 year old white girl on a random island in Greece with a good degree, a good family, and good intentions.

I broke down. I couldn’t handle the guilt, the shame, the powerlessness, the anger, the betrayal.

I returned to Los Angeles to live with my parents in September of 2019, and didn’t move out until November of 2021. I was scared. I couldn’t function. I was traumatized. Secondary trauma (it’s a real thing!).

It took me two years to find the strength to move out of my parents’ house and move forward with my life.

The thought that helped me stand back up is that there are billions of people on this planet. If we all just take care of ourselves and the people and places near us, then we’ll all be just fine.

If we work together, we simply have to play our small role in a larger complex system, we don’t have to save the whole planet. That felt much more doable. That is doable.

I started to reflect:

What was my role in this?
What did I need to do to take care of myself and my people?
Who were my people?
How could I support people in doing that for their people too?
What did we need to know in order to do this work?
How could we create a governing system built around this? Power to individuals instead of international organizations/corporations (and the CEOs who own them). Local power instead of federal/international power.

Over the last six years, I have been trying to answer these questions. I have still a lot to learn AND have figured some things out.

At 31 years old, I have finally learned enough about who I am, what I need to take care of myself, and what my role is within the system that I can make some commitments and communicate.

I am confident enough in these answers to learn from your feedback instead of be destroyed by it.

I am so grateful to those who checked in on me recently, as well as supported me during this crazy journey from Marketing Assistant at SAGE Publications in London to high school English teacher in Los Angeles. It’s been a time. It’s been my twenties.

Chapter: Acceptance, Commitments and Communication

I’ve decided to call this chapter “Acceptance, Commitments, and Communication”. After 31 years of being a human named Sammy, I am starting to accept the way I am instead of fighting it. I am starting to build a life around these tendencies, to communicate about who I am and my needs, and to commit to nurturing relationships with those who support me in living in alignment with my values and who understand my vision.

I am starting to accept that it’s okay that I didn’t get married or buy a house or start a family before 30 like I (and society) expected I would. Like my brother and some of my friends have done, like my parents did, my grandparents, and my great grandparents did. I am forging my own path in a new century.

I still want these things, but I am on my own timeline and I will not be rushed.

I have also made a few commitments:

I am committed to living in Los Feliz for the next 3 to 5 years.
I am committed to working at the school by the zoo as the 9th, 12th, and AP Lit English teacher for the next 3 to 5 years.

These commitments root me down. I have finally chosen my grass, and I am watering.

Things I’m Excited About

Los Feliz Literature Festival is happening August 2025!! Message me if you want to get involved <3
Literary Pixie (the zine press) is going to be at the LA Zine Fest on March 2nd at The Broad!! Get Your Tickets!
I am officially the CSUN Writing Project, Environmental Justice Rep & Coordinator of Communications & Community Engagement!
I am officially on the Los Feliz Neighborhood Council Committee for Cultural Affairs.
I finished writing Parts 1 and 2 of Burnt Out Bitch!
I am a licensed Zumba Instructor!
I started publishing a collection of poems called Surviving High School on the blog instead of letting it sit on my drive.
I opened up submissions for The Feminist Toilet, so submit whenever you got a goodie!
I completed Improv 101 at UCB Franklin and met some fab people!
I’ve been teaching at my new high school for 5 weeks and it’s been so good, and we have been to the zoo three times!!
AWP is coming to LA!! Let’s hang out!
I joined YogaVibes and am going 3 to 5 times a week. I’m a yogi!