By Sammy Ginsberg
I must tell you this, but I really really like him
such a calm,
how crazy this is – he stayed over last night
(again) such dreams,
of those days before – of feeling object
a fear to speak, going on a date
but not wanting to date,
but being afraid to say that to forbid intimacy
(though I know they can happen without the other,
I say again and again),
and then seeing him- and feeling him,
and being no no no
and telling my date
actually my mom called and I have go to,
and then being like – no no no,
do not lie tell him the truth,
“I am seeing someone, and I really like him”
and then typing his number over and over again,
always messing up,
0774 no 07735 no
a rising panic, i need to tell him –
i want to be with him,
and then i woke –
a nightmare of sorts,
cool sweat along my body,
I look over and he’s there next to me,
just a dream – we’re together,
we’re dating – I kiss the curve
where his neck meets his spine,
and entwine our bodies.
I tell him all this,
in a need to share my thoughts,
to feel close and open, he mumbles
and through sleepy eyes look at me,
I have to tell again, he was sleeping-
my brain alive and acting,
at 6am I told him I thought we’d been having a conversation
all night, but realised it was just a dream,
though we spoke til late little mumbled moments,
“let’s share our worries more,” he said –
I’ve never felt this before,
a real laugh – the kind with tears,
as we give each other tattoos –
we live, we are live in the present
our hands holding, our lips melting,
“I could kiss you forever,” & I could
I could, too…
Oh is this real, how could this be?
after tequila & indifference & fear,
& now I’m here, here with you.
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