Reflection by Sammy Ginsberg
Omg! Chapter 1!! Ahh. I find it so interesting that communication skills and partying are basically what it means to be a good spy.
Duhigg uses the story of a CIA worker Lawler to demonstrate this. He says, “a field officer’s mandate wasn’t slinking in shadows and whispering in parking lots; it was talking to people at parties, making friends in embassies, bonding with foreign officials in the hope that, someday, you might have a quiet chat about some critical piece of intelligence.(pg 4)” AKA it’s all about connecting.
The chapter then goes on to share about in order to connect, one needs to match the other person. He shows brain scans and a research project about the impact of communication skills on brains literally synchronizing.
This is the effect of art and great storytelling and comedy. The power of working in groups or co-working over being alone. When brains are in a room, they have the ability to harmonize. They don’t always. Especially if the brain deems the environment as not safe!
He talks about how musicians when they jam together, literally synchronize and become one brain!
He shares about how their are typically 3 types of conversation, what’s going on (aka decision mindset); how we feel (emotions conversation); and our identity (the social mindset). The skill is in identifying what type of conversation you are having and then matching your partner in sharing – validating their feelings and encouraging them, and making them feel safe.
The thing is, for this to work. It has to be real! It has to be genuine. Humans can feel when it’s not. Can feel when it is forced. When it is simply manipulation. That you are only safe as long as you are agreeing with me and doing what I want you to do. The minute we are in conflict, you are no longer safe!
This makes me think of my friend’s recent break up, as well as conflicts that I have had at work.
This is making me want to go to Honduras and live with my friends who are ambassadors there for a bit! It also makes me mad.
They invest so much in communication skills for CIA agents, but NO training is required for teachers – even though being a teacher is really being a facilitator and all about communication skills!
And teaching teachers is all about communication skills! About trust. About creating a safe place, about connection. Nurturing someone on the journey to learn skills.
This is what I crave in friendship, in romantic partnership, in my workplace! With family and friends.
I want to watch the TEDTalk with Charles Duhigg and share with my students. This also is what I think is taught in an ELA and creative writing class. The skills of being a supercommunicator and sculpted in the ELA and creative writing classroom!
Oh, I am so excited to embed this in my curriculum!!!
I also loved this quote a lot:
“High centrality participants tended to ask ten to twenty times as many questions as other participants. (pg 15)”
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