By Sammy Ginsberg
Cats! Dogs! Rats! Children! I’m spirallingggg. Well not really right now, but like at 4pm – I was spiraling. I felt a panic coming on like it was November 2024, and so I went to yoga.
Now I am at the Shut Up and Write in Los Feliz that I started in September and host because I needed it. I needed this space to gather with writers and write every week with the same people.
It is beautiful to be in this space, the quiet of it, the tinkle of the water, the breeze of the palm trees. We are outside The Alcove/Big Bar and leaves are falling on us.
There are 21 people here! 21! Isn’t that magical?! Who all need what I need! This time, this space, this community to write – to listen to their own mind. To think their own thoughts! To commune with their souls.
This is what I wanted to share with my students. This was why I became a teacher. I say that in fucking past tense. Because well dude!
I’m starting a new teaching job on Monday!! WAHH. I’m freaking out. Like I knew that no teacher leaves in the middle of the school year because things are good! Well, except that one teacher who was going on paternity. Oh those students! I miss those students immensely. I wish I was returning to them.
One of the students messaged me on Schoology to ask me where I worked aka Skylights! Said they missed my vibes and presence. Oh my heart warmed!
I feel grateful to have met with the two teachers to plan today! It was a tough social situation but still lovely. The two teachers are really kind! One is my age and the other is a mom vibes. They both have Hispanic backgrounds and speak English and Spanish blended together, in a fun way. I understand some of it, but not all. They have a great vibe together and clearly respect each other, and he is being mentored. I have joined the group.
They were welcoming. However, the older teacher said to me, “I thought you’d be older.” They were really hoping for some mom-energy. It turns out that the students walked all over the previous teacher because she was young and fun, she wanted to be liked by them and be their friend!
WAH! They said it got bad! I said, “I’m older than I look but I’m still young.” That’s how I found out that the other teacher and I are both 1994 babies.
This wanting to be liked and be their friend has been the thing I’m working on in my personal and professional life. Like for reals. Working hard to be likeable and caring about people and trying to help them is what has made me great at publicizing/marketing/communications/ bookselling! That’s the job!!
Being the teacher- being the authority! “The teacher look”. I have realized that I struggle to demand respect, I must command it! Can you demand respect? Does that even work?
It’s all about relationships. Jenn, my mentor, said I just need to show up and be myself. “We can’t wait until teachers are in their 40s to give them respect.”
After realizing that I was indeed putting myself into a psychologically unsafe environment on Monday AGAIN, I started to spiral.
Why was I doing this to myself?!?!?!??!
I made the wrong choice! I just want to work at Skylight! I’ll focus on writing grants and turn this into a full-time job.
I heard that a teacher is retiring, meaning there are two open positions available at this school.
That was the OG plan. So that by next year, I’d go back to full-time teaching. I had such a great experience at LACES that honestly, I’d drive 40 minutes to teach there. It was lovely!!
But it did cost me a lot of of my social life. It has been so fun sleeping in and staying up late going to parties, having energy to engage in nightlife, to socialize! Skylight has been so fun and magical and wonderful. I feel so happy and calm when I am there. I love all the people. Such dynamic, interesting, kind people!
It’s been so nice to not have to warp my whole life to fit my job. To literally fucking change my personality!!
And now it’s again. How can I be an authority and still be myself?! How can I command respect from my students?
Why am I doing this? Let’s start there. I am doing this because I want to nurture a love of reading and writing in the kids who live and go to school in my neighborhood. I want to develop their skills and make them strong readers and writers who can reflect and think deeply, and learn! That enjoy learning. I want to teach them how to be supercommunicators! To learn the art of conversations! How to connect with people. How to connect with themselves. How to connect with the planet, the neighborhood.
I see them! See how dejected they are. Hopelessness, seeking love, seeking attention. So afraid. So angry! So powerless. I want to teach them how to step into their power, how to harness it. To model for them how to command respect.
I want to watch two TEDTalks. One about not bringing your authentic self to work, and the supercommunicators one.
I want to teach them how to set boundaries and how to enforce them. How to be a good friend, to be a good person. To be a citizen! To be a functioning adult in the 21st century. I need you to ___.
To appreciate ideas and to collaborate!
I am still learning a lot of these things!
These are my kids in my neighborhood! I have a network of support here. They can come to Shut Up and Write. They can attend events at Skylight.
I can bring writers in! I can introduce them to people. I can help them attend Los Feliz Cultural Affairs meetings and more.
I am wanting to set up that Teen Writers Festival, Teen Internship, and Teen Literary Magazine/Journal. Can I just do that? Run a club afterschool? Run the Writers Center?
Do I have to be the teacher to do this work? Right now, I can’t get anyone to fund this vision and idea I have. That is what this job is doing, funding the work and building relationships with the students and teachers who can help me do this work.
I have to do a good job! What is a good job?
- Teach the same curriculum as the other 9th grade teachers.
- Stay on top of grading.
- Manage my classroom.
- Teach the ELD class.
I’m not responsible for creating the curriculum! Thank goodness. I just have to do what I’m told.
It’s the managing the classroom part that I’m anxious about.
I know that students are going to disrespect me. They are going to “have behaviors”. How will I respond?
I have learned that assigned seats are very very important. They don’t need to go next to their friends. That is a reward that we build with trust.
My job is to get through the curriculum so you learn the skills and to keep you safe!
Both physically safe and psychologically safe:
Physical safety means the absence of harm of injury. Physical safety refers to the protection of all stakeholders, including families, caregivers, students, school staff, and the community, from violence, theft, and exposure to weapons and threats, to establish a secure learning environment. (National Center on Safe Supportive Learning Environments) This means no throwing shit and no touching each other.
Emotional safety means An experience in which one feels safe to express emotions, security, and confidence to take risks and feel challenged and excited to try something new.
I have started reading about how to create an emotionally safe environment.
My notes
Psychological safety in the workplace doesn’t mean that everybody is nice to each other all the time. Rather, it means that people feel free to “brainstorm out loud,” voice half-finished thoughts, openly challenge the status quo, share feedback, and work through disagreements together — knowing that leaders value honesty, candor, and truth-telling, and that team members will have one another’s backs.”
like speaking up, asking questions, sharing unspoken reservations, and respectfully disagreeing
Plus, many people feel more comfortable typing vulnerable statements through a screen (for example, into a meeting chat) than they would speaking in person. In those settings, they may appreciate a chance to spend a little more time thinking through how they want to convey information to maximize impact. Leaders can show respect for those courageous enough to share their honest thoughts — again, recognizing the vulnerability required to do so, and responding with appreciation.
Here’s my links:
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/34840320
https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.2307/2666999
https://www.apta.org/fit-for-practice/psychological-safety-workplace
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