By Sammy Ginsberg
For the first time in years, I posted on Instagram that it was my birthday on my story. Ever since I realized I wasn’t invited to who I considered a close friend’s birthday, I have been terrified to post.
I didn’t want to put someone through the same thing as me. Although, I spoke to my friend Jennifer about this recently, and she said, “Well either way you weren’t invited to their birthday party. At least you know about it, and can choose what to do with that information.”
She made a very valid point. If they posted or didn’t post, they had chosen to not invite me or forgotten to invite me or thought I’d be busy. It’s better to know. Then, I can choose to fight for the friendship or not. I can learn and establish a shared understanding of the level of our friendship.
So I shared about yesterday! I shared Brian and Vicky’s posts! I had lovely text messages and calls. I felt very loved. I am still responding to people’s messages.
Something I am delighted by is how much my life has improved since last year. It is so wild. I am so wild.
I have taken huge risks! I’m just gonna summarize:
January: Just started at the Zoo Magnet, things were going okay! Well barely, the fire had just happened. My birthday celebration was canceled, and Wyatt and Christian and I went to trivia at Hi-Tops. Actually things were stressful. I had the conflict with two of my friends, while still processing my break up and death of Daihachi and breakdown at work. I was still having issues with my roommate.
Actually I don’t really want to relive it? Is that okay? Just that things repeated, I had another breakdown. I went to a group mental health program for a month, then Grandma broke her hip, and I flew to London for a month. While there, I decided to resign from teaching since they would not give me the two preps that I needed.
I came back to LA, but literally, my mom picked me up from the airport, and I was like – take me back! I want to go back to London. It’s never enough!
Then I worked on the Los Feliz Writers Festival! I was so anxious, since I had resigned and didn’t know what I’d do next. I wanted it to go well! And it did! In the article by USC!
Magical! So lovely to be successful, to do something well again – after what has felt like years of failure. Of not enough, never enough.
And then, I was trying freelance, working for CSUN Writing Project, got the substitute teaching role, PORCHFest! SCTE! Skylight!! And now John Marshall!! It has been so magical to keep going from one thing to the next, working hard, working smart, and to be improving!! To be good at something.
I am becoming confident in myself, in my abilities, in who I am. I am confident in my relationships, in my ability to navigate conflict and work through uncertainty.
So many amazing people have supported me on this journey!!! I feel so grateful!! While, it took me doing the work, listening, adapting, responding – it also took the support, took being listened, people showing up!! Oh my!!
I feel like I have lived so many different livesss in the last couple of years. I am ready to settle down. But not settle down. To dream deep, but not just dream deep, to nurture deep, loving roots in Los Feliz, in Los Angeles. Roots! This is what roots are. This tree. This layering. This living and engaging with life with the same people over and over again. Working through conflicts. Building together. Supporting each others dreams, the day to day. Living life side-by side.
Oh, I am being called into activism again. Anti-ICE and what is happening in Iran! (What is happening though?) I know it is bad! I know they need our support. This global scale communication is wild and crazy and shakes me!!!
It feels impossible! Also I need to add, it is Day 3 at the new school! It has been a rollercoaster!! Throwing things! I confiscated a pink spray water bottle on day one!
Today, I felt honored. One of my colleagues said he asked a student, “Do you like the new teacher” And she said, “No, I don’t like her.” He said, “Why?” “She made me change seats!”. He then says, that’s a good thing they don’t like you!
It’s amazing that the kids thinking I am strict and not their friend and making them do work and be respectful, is what gains respect and trust with my teacher colleagues! I kind of love it. I gave them their grades, and so many got 0s. They did not do their iReady lessons! I’m like duuuddeeee. You gotta do it in class! I am now understanding the previous teacher. You gotta let them know your power. Keep them accountable.
I am just documenting and holding you accountable. I will have to have the boundaries talk soon!
Either way, I love the lunch group! They have been so welcoming and helpful! I am so grateful! The faculty meeting was so interesting and had really good energy overall. The principal was very forthcoming about the budget – and a lot of my goals were overlapping with the principal. With enrichment and wanting students to want to go to school! And creating their own professional development. How exciting!
I felt kind of high. Like these visions I had were coming true, and that I was on the side of the universe. I was just an agent, like a tree. I am in place. Doing the work the universe calls me to do. I am listening. I am not afraid.
Oh 32! It is here! Perhaps I’ll date. Ugh. I don’t mean that! I am not looking to date, I am looking to have fun, to deepen relationships with my people and keep including new ones I find!
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