By Sammy Ginsberg
I am feeling really anxious. Last night, I got triggered right before bed. Today, I am still feeling anxious.
I started to spiral. I have realized it is a people-pleasing trigger. It came from trying to do SCTE social media stuff and being like, wow, the system is so dysfunctional!!! And so big!!!
I wish I had full-time and a team to work on the problem. But I don’t. And I can already feel the burnout spiral. I am feeling overwhelmed by all the work I have to do, and knowing I won’t be able to get it done, or at the level I need to do, or with the support I need.
Feeling anxious about all the classroom management things at the new school and trying to stay on top of grading! Aka my boundaries and people-pleasing issues being directly triggered.
And then this feels so terribly overwhelming, and then managing the personal relationships which are also work since I have now started organizing in my personal life because the infrastructure and community there is so flawed too.
And trying to do both at the same time, it just feels like soooo much work! And not enough time for my old friendships – the relationships that don’t help me get this work done.
I feel at capacity with my own problems, and that I don’t want to vent, I want someone to do the work with me. To coach me through what I am going through. I want a partner! To have the same problems as me, a team, and to work together on them.
Instead a lot of my relationships feel like I am doing the grunt work or doing work that isn’t my work to do. Like I don’t really care! I’m supporting you, that’s not my work. What is my work?
I have got to get that sorted! Once the event is over this weekend, I’ll feel better. I think I need to prioritize and organize – week by week, month by month!
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