Literary Pixie

By T.D. Flenaugh

An example argumentative essay by an elementary school teacher for her students

Another automatic toilet? What an unnecessary excuse for an invention. Renovated business offices, stores, and government buildings feature this menacing modernization. Replacing old

manual flush toilets with automatic flushing units threatens the water supply and negatively impacts the environment. It literally takes a second to flush a traditional toilet. I prefer to flush

when I am good and ready, but automatic flushers activate at the wrong moment every single time. Cringing at the mist spraying into my unmentionables, I am left the grumpy, disgusted victim of public germs of the worst kind.

I like to protect myself as much as possible from the scourge of public toilets by taking the time to cover the seat with toilet paper. (I also deem the fly-away seat covers inadequate). Unfortunately, this often triggers the automatic mechanism to engage, and my protective paper is splattered with who knows what before I even get the chance to sit!

I do not even want to be in the vicinity of a flushing commode, but the fact that upgraded toilets rarely have a handle really messes me up. According to Sarah Kuta’s article, “Here’s What Really Happens When You Flush a Toilet, “airborne particles ejected from the toilet travel at speeds of up to 6.6 feet above the toilet within eight seconds.” Instead of automatic flushing, public restrooms should have automatic closing lids.

With traditional toilets, I can open the stall door, lift my foot for the handle, and quickly escape direct contact with projected bacteria. But not anymore. To be courteous to the next user, I must

flush the toilet again after the premature flush. Unfortunately, that leaves me pushing the button with my hands. Due to the missing handle, I end up pressing the nasty button to complete the

task. An act that used to take one second now takes more than 10 seconds and exposes me to countless germs that could exacerbate an illness.

When I rant about the futility of these robotic toilets, many people dismiss my irritation. The masses do not realize how much these advanced waste movers harm the environment. As far back as 2015, The Guardian reported that the phantom flush phenomenon wastes billions of gallons of water per year. This increases exponentially when one of these monstrosities is in disrepair. I have witnessed these toilets flushing hundreds of times in a row, wasting water and spewing bits of sewage. According to Kuta, scientists found E. coli and other pathogens lingering in the air for hours. These new toilets worsen the public restroom experience while siphoning water resources. We need to unite against the proliferation of automatic toilets!

Contact your city council representative. Tell them that we can flush by ourselves!

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