Bullshit Lines

collated by Dwell Time (2021)

Dwell Time is an award winning, not-for-profit arts publication reflecting on mental wellbeing. Produced and curated by Alice Bradshaw, Vanessa Haley & Lenny Szrama, founded in 2018. For National Poetry Day and World Mental Health Day 2021, Dwell Time collated responses to an open call for bullshit and this is the resultant collective poem.

They’re bastardising Monet with their glitter and their glue, to make him more appealing to the likes of me and you. 

But what are you gonna do with a fine art degree?

There’s an opportunity for you, we want you to be involved.

Give me your tired, give me your poor.

You don’t look like you could manage high pace work. Have you tried the library?

Good day, I don’t think United Kingdom has already joined the EEF (”études en France”) process.

We see you as a partner.

There has never been a time since history began when it was not possible, given complete power and lack of scruples, to induce the majority of people to confess, profess or denounce anything we might wish.

It will be a red white and blue Brexit.

Received a Facebook ban for calling someone a sausage. A sausage.

An invisible illness does not exist, as it is invisible, therefore you are not ill!

Reply from the arts council on disability assistance in the arts. The reply; Sorry that’s not within our remit, if you require any more details please do not hesitate to contact us. 

We won’t invest in a health festival there is no real return on it, we are hosting a beer festival, people love beer.

Bar wench! I’ve been coming to this bar for 25 years, I’ve never called anyone a bar wench, you must have misheard, bar wench. 

Working in a hostel that promotes inclusion but signing people up to move into the the hostel with exclusion licenses so it’s easy to give people an immediate eviction.

Watch the following from Jason – STP for LML – BUT we must also consider that we use the relevant TUT CODE to access this review via eTracker.

We believe in and practice inclusivity.

We cannot support people to come along to Phoenix arts and health group as we only work Mondays to Fridays.

Use the grease gun to inject grease in to the nipple until it oozes out of the sides of the flange.

Police women are not here to do anything in a rape case, it is the rape victims role to protect the vulnerable women which the Police employ. 

I’m afraid we cannot approve your loan request to fund the hiring of a hit man, perhaps consider a new bathroom? 

Levelling up.

The people progressing from secondary health care to primary services can no longer participate in the arts and crafts group, because they will become dependent.

Contains the following allergens: contains no allergens.

If you look at Saddam Hussein, he killed terrorists. I’m not saying he was an angel, but this guy killed terrorists.

Here to support development and create the conditions for the sector to thrive, for all.

What makes you think you have a career in the arts?

You will fail.

Too much bullshit, my coffee’s gone cold.

This piece is from The Feminist Toilet #2. To return to the table of contents, click here.

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