Ode de Toilet

By Jen Cheng

I can’t live without you
I need you morning and night
you know, the kind of purification and meditation that starts my day just right 
when I miss our private morning ritual
I am filled with anxiety, 
praying for a way to make it up to you

when I’m without you, I wonder when I will see you again
sometimes I feel so lost, yearning for your comfort 
when things get too busy and I need some solace and quiet
you’re the one I go to for an excuse to find myself again
sometimes I don’t even need you, but seek you to provide
that escape an introvert needs to retreat from obligations of a party

sometimes I’m awaken by you, with a desperate urge that strikes me in my sleep
that terrible blur of reality in dream state
I might mistakenly feel your smooth coldness on my thighs
until, a panic awakens me, to strike me into alertness and I must clamor for you

the times I’ve been on road trips, I long for you terribly
strange places and foreign smells make my heart grow fonder
like a reluctant submissive
I am dominated by thoughts of you
sometimes I hate that I need you
and yet,
there are days when I cannot leave you
as I am wretched with cleansing
yes, you purify me
you are my ball and chain.

This piece is from The Feminist Toilet #2. To return to the table of contents, click here.

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