By Jen Cheng
I can’t live without you I need you morning and night you know, the kind of purification and meditation that starts my day just right when I miss our private morning ritual I am filled with anxiety, praying for a way to make it up to you when I’m without you, I wonder when I will see you again sometimes I feel so lost, yearning for your comfort when things get too busy and I need some solace and quiet you’re the one I go to for an excuse to find myself again sometimes I don’t even need you, but seek you to provide that escape an introvert needs to retreat from obligations of a party sometimes I’m awaken by you, with a desperate urge that strikes me in my sleep that terrible blur of reality in dream state I might mistakenly feel your smooth coldness on my thighs until, a panic awakens me, to strike me into alertness and I must clamor for you the times I’ve been on road trips, I long for you terribly strange places and foreign smells make my heart grow fonder like a reluctant submissive I am dominated by thoughts of you sometimes I hate that I need you and yet, there are days when I cannot leave you as I am wretched with cleansing yes, you purify me you are my ball and chain.
This piece is from The Feminist Toilet #2. To return to the table of contents, click here.
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