I am unstable. I know that. I am unstable, I am unwell. I am mentally unhealthy. That is why I am on sick leave right now from work. Again. Twice this year. Imagine humpty dumpty on a wall and having a great big fall, and then putting yourself together again – this is my second time falling off the wall – this year. 

I have been unwell for a long time; things have been building up for years. I was able to cope and hide the symptoms pretty effectively for a long-time, but now I can’t. I need help. I need to make some big changes. I have been making big changes, and things have slowly been improving in different areas of my life.

But then I had another one of those weeks like an earthquake, and most of my house collapsed. I am in the process of rebuilding. 

Before this happened, I was considering doing a happiness project (I’m reading Gretchen Rubin’s book after seeing it referenced in Daring Greatly) – but honestly, happiness seems out of reach right now. Thus, I am instead focusing on stability. 

Earthquakes are a part of life, especially in LA. How can I build an earthquake-resistant life?

How can I become stable?

Google dictionary defines being stable as “not easily moved or thrown off balance; firm; steady; mentally healthy”. 

The World Health Organization defines mental health as “enables people to cope with the stresses of life, realize their abilities, learn well and work well, and contribute to their community”. 

Mental health is a basic human right – and thus a basic responsibility of a functioning society. To be mentally healthy requires a network of support. One can not do it alone. It requires a community. 

In this blog post, I will lay out what I need to be mentally healthy so that you can accompany me on this journey. The journey to stability. And so I can play a stable support role in your life, too!

I believe step one is the creation of my vision. What is the end destination? 

As in any project, there must be an end in sight and some smart goals. How do we know when the project is done? How do we know that we are achieving progress? How do we measure success? How do we create a roadmap so that we know that we are on track, where are we going, and how we are going to get there?

I believe that to be stable requires:

• Housing: maintain a home that makes it convenient for me to go to my job, get my wellness needs met, and nurture relationships with people who can support me in caring for my stability
• Lifestyle: actively pursuit a lifestyle that gets my wellness need met
• Purpose & Contribution: use and develop my abilities that allow me to contribute to my community in a way that I believe is meaningful and allows me to feel valuable
• Relationships: nurture and invest in a variety of mutually-beneficial, interdependent relationships where I feel safe, respected, and loved that support me in getting my needs met; help me cope with the stresses of life; and that make me feel like I belong here
  • Life partner(s)
    • Romantic partner(s)
    • Family
    • Close friends
    • Roommates
    • Pets
  • Casual friends
  • Acquaintances and people you engage with while out and about living life
  • Colleagues, mentors, coaches
• Systemic Societal Support: access high quality information, treatments, and coaching from trusted institutions and effective infrastructure to support me and my support network in caring for my stability (a fundamental social responsibility in a functioning society)
• Money: a job that provides me enough money, time, security, and energy to do all the things I need to do to live and get my needs met

Currently I am on medical leave until June 23rd, and I have decided that I am either going to redo my student-teaching year or find a different job that gives me more time and energy to focus on getting stable. 

I wish I could find a job that allows me to research why I burnt out from being an ELA teacher and how to improve the school and healthcare and city system to prevent that from happening to me, and other early career educators. Is that possible? 

Either way, I am still currently “employed” and do not have to worry about finding a new job or losing my healthcare until after June 23rd. Not that the healthcare system we have can help much. It is mostly focused on physical health symptoms – which I believe are the consequences of mental health stress on the body over extended periods of time. 

Thankfully & frustratingly, because I am a sensitive bitch – it is very hard for me to ignore my mental health symptoms. This is my third time burning out because of mental health problems, and thus, I have no shame about being labeled in this way and just want things to get better. 

I’ve been enrolled in a three week outpatient program through Kaiser to treat my ‘mental health problems’ so that will be interesting. 

As much as I know that I am not perfect and have much to learn and work on, I am starting to believe that it is the current system used by our society to organize people that also has much to learn and work on. The problem is me AND also Los Angeles. 

I am one very small part of a larger network, a school district, a city of millions! And my needs are not being met. TBH many people in this city’s needs are not being met. Check homelessness and mental health data, just check out LA County’s Department of Mental Health Dashboard. Or how according to a recent study, to live comfortably in Los Angeles – one needs to be making at least $186,000. So if you’re single – that’s a lot of money that only very few job sectors make and definitely not an early career role. 

Anyhow, this problem isn’t going to be solved in a day (unless I decide to move to Cleveland, Ohio where you only need $47,874 to live comfortably or back to the UK – although London is struggling from the same problem that we are here). 

So I’ve got to get stable. And I don’t need to live comfortably or “luxuriously” as those fucking empty apartment buildings advertise. I am just trying to get my basic needs met so that I can be stable. 

Below, I’ve unpacked Housing, Lifestyle, and Purpose and Contribution. I am still developing the relationships, money, and systemic supports section.

Stable Housing

Stable Housing: maintain a home that makes it convenient for me to go to my job, get my wellness needs met, and nurture relationships with people who can support me in caring for my stability

CATEGORY	SMART GOALS
Keeping House Tidy	Everyday before bed I will put a 10 minute timer on to clean the house.
Paying Bills	I will put a monthly reminder on for paying my rent, utilities, and my credit card bill.
Roommate Relationship	I will keep open communication with roommate.
Living Spaces are functional and decorated	I will focus on decluttering, organizing, and decorating the kitchen, my bedroom, the living room, the dining room, front porch, and the bathroom.
Safety	I will get something for the window facing the outside to keep it locked.

Stable Lifestyle Routines

Stable Lifestyle: actively pursuit a lifestyle that gets my wellness need met

CATEGORY	SMART GOAL
Food	– I will eat three meals a day with one snack all vegan that I find nourishing, delicious and energizing.  – I will drink water every day. – I will eat at yummy restaurants. – I will grocery shop at farmers markets and make fun recipes.
Exercise	– I will go to yoga 5 times a week – I will go hiking once a week. – I will take a dance class once a week – I will go on nice walks!
Socializing	– I will have a writing group that I can share my writing with – I will host a dinner party and dining club share my cooking and food adventures with – I will create the Los Feliz Writers Festival with Dawn – I will volunteer with organizations that give me meaning and make me feel valuable part of my community – I will have weekly family meals. – I want friends to see plays, movies, museums, literary events, interesting lectures, and explore Los Angeles – I will have partners to develop my curriculum with
Joy	– I will see a play every month – I will go to a movie and have a club – I will go to a concert – I will go to comedy shows and cultural events – I will visit and enjoy museums  – I will attend literary events and book clubs – I will go to interesting lectures and explore Los Angeles and its history! – I will work on my writing projects and passion projects – to play and be silly and explore and go on adventures and research whatever I’m interested in – to hike and be in nature.  – to focus on my health and read the books to improve my physical and mental health and posture – to create rituals, tradition, meditation and journaling.
Sleep	– I will get 7.5 to 9 hours of sleep every night.
Rest	– I will have two nights a week when do life stuff; go to yoga; watch a relaxing TV show or read; and get 9 hours of sleep. – In the morning, I will have at least an hour to go for a walk, write in my journal and drink my coffee peacefully.

Stable Purpose & Contribution

Having a stable purpose and contribution means using and developing my abilities that allow me to contribute to my community in a way that I believe is meaningful and allows me to feel valuable. 

CATEGORY	SMART GOAL
Arts, Culture & Writing	– Write articles for newspaper/magazines – finish screenplay with Juliana Whitney – to start a magazine, zine press and chapbook publisher & distribute it around town – to write my utopia novel and my us state embassy idea and put on fun events at the house and in LA, -write about exploring the cultural community in LA. – To upload all my poems, blovels, and journals to the Literary Pixie blog. – Finish burnt out bitch.
Education & Literacy	– Work for an organization that supports developing my ELA curriculums and allows me to run/be involved in a writers’ festival, poetry festival, and literature festival for Los Angeles community – teach about 21st century literacy (housing, money, health, relationships & improving the current system to update to 21st century needs in improving quality of life for all living beings (plants, animals, and people) -to get my health teaching certification and teach about sex and health and publish my blow gift magazine!  – understanding how to improve the infrastructure and training for ELA teachers in LA and preventing burnout
Health	Understanding what a healthy lifestyle is, and living it, so that I can one day be a wellness coach/teacher
Improving Los Angeles	Understanding how a neighborhood and city functions.

These next three below are a bit more complicated and not fully developed. They are part of a larger project – part of my We Need Each Other: Building and Maintaining Relationships in the 21st Century.

Stable Relationships

Stable Relationships: nurture and invest in a variety of mutually-beneficial, interdependent relationships where I feel safe, respected, and loved that support me in getting my needs met; help me cope with the stresses of life; and that make me feel like I belong here

• Life partner(s)
  • Romantic partner
  • Family
  • Close friends
  • Roommates
  • Pets
• Casual friends
• Acquaintances and people you engage with while out and about living life
• Colleagues, mentors, coaches

Stable Systemic Societal Supports

Stable Systemic Societal Support: access high quality information, treatments, and coaching from trusted institutions and effective infrastructure to support me and my support network in caring for my stability (a fundamental social responsibility in a functioning society)

Even if I become unemployed or move houses, I can get access to quality healthcare information, treatments, and coaches to support me in my mental and physical health, which is a fundamental social responsibility in a functioning society.

Stable Money

Having stable money means a job that provides me enough money, time, security, and energy to do all the things I need to do to live and get my needs met

One action is to read Rich Dad, Poor Dad.