Literary Pixie

Project Stability Sammy: Relationship Reading List

As I process my burnout, I feel super strongly that the main cause of my burn out was because I didn’t have the relationships I needed to support me.

More than that, that the relationships I did have were draining, unhealthy and not safe for me aka “toxic”. I worry at times if I was the unhealthy, not safe, and draining person and that I am projecting onto these people. I know I have things to work on and am not perfect, but I still feel like I was the passive person. That I was being polite and respectful and safe, and was trying to be firm and advocate for myself, to level with the other person and make sure that both of our needs are met, that we can resolve the conflict, not in a tit for tat way – this time I get what I need, and next time you get what you need. I want it in this messy deep discussion as we unpack what are wants and needs are, and brainstorm solutions that allow both of us to get our needs met, and really working through – can we do that for each other? Are we meant to be this intimate with each other, do we want to be?

I think that because of COVID as well as American individualism and the white male supremacy culture that we live in – we are not taught the skills needed to maintain healthy intimate relationships with people, as well as have an unhealthy framework as to what relationships are for, how important they are for our health, and what are the cultural norms and relationship building routines that need to be embedded into our lives (that in many cultures are there!). Especially in LA where we all live so fucking far from the people we love the most.

I have scanned a bunch of top lists about books to read about relationships (Global Peace Careers; Why Edify; Choosing Therapy; Penguin; HuffPost) and sorted them out by type of relationship, and plan to read the books and review them. I am seriously considering again changing careers and going into working in housing and with mentally unwell people as a therapist, a social worker, and a coach. I have started to imagine teaching a writing class at senior centers as well as to teens and at rehabilitation centers. To me, reading and writing have been vital to me learning healthy ways to relating to people as well as to myself.

Here’s the list below:

Relationship with Self

Relationship with Romantic Partner

Relationship with Friends

Relationship with Family

Relationship with Roommates

  • Can’t really find any books about this – maybe I’ll write it!

Relationship with Work

Relationships with Society

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